CHAPTER 14

Everyone that knew the two of them attended the funeral. Their friends, family, some of the people from Cass’s agency, and most all the people they knew in town showed up on this dreary, rainy day to bury Beau. Bill stood next to Cass with his arm supporting her. Liz was on her other side but was far too emotional herself to offer much help to her friend. Perhaps it was post-natal blues, but she found it hard to keep herself in control.

Cass stood like a zombie. Her heart had been wreched right out of her body. The quiet tears streamed down her cheeks and mixed with the rain. Her dreams had all come to a halt right here in this moment. All the plans she’d made for the rest of her life were changed by that one careless moment when a total stranger stopped paying attention to the road. She couldn’t help thinking about the baby she was carrying. Beau hadn’t even know that he was to be a father.

She hadn’t told anyone about the baby yet, not even Liz. It was far too painful to even think about it. Her future was too unsure now. All bets were off.

Bill and Liz drove her back to the house. It looked different to Cass as they pulled into the driveway. Beau’s car was not there, and she remembered that they had towed it to the scrap yard after the accident. It didn’t seem real.

She got out of the car and looked back down the road they had just traveled. There was nothing but empty ashphalt. She stood frozen, waiting, as if she were expecting someone. Liz came to her side and took her hand.

“Come on honey, let’s go inside.” She led her to the front stairs. Bill opened the front door and Duffy came bounding out of the house and began barking. He ran down the stairs and ran circles around Cass’s feet. She stepped past him, almost unaware of his presence, and went inside. He stopped barking and followed them inside. Sensing something was wrong, he went to lie on his cushion next to the fireplace. Neither Bill nor Liz were sure of what to do next. “I’ll make some tea, okay?”

Cass excused herself and went up the stairs to their newly finished den and closed the door. She didn’t really know what she wanted, but she knew that she didn’t want company. She wanted complete silence. She wanted to be alone. There was no time like the present to get used to the feeling of being alone. She was going to be alone for a very long time, that much she was sure of.

She sat down on the couch and closed her eyes for a moment. She could still feel him in this room. She could still smell him. He’d spent so much time in here his scent seemed to be embedded into everything.

Liz knocked gently on the door before coming in. Cass watched her as she set the cup of tea down on the table next to the sofa.

“Drink this Cass. It’ll help,” Liz said.

“No, it won’t help. Nothing will help,” she said. “You guys need to go home now. I’ll be alright.”

“I don’t want to leave you alone,” Liz replied.

“Please, just go home Liz, I’m going to sleep for a while. I’ll be okay. Go take care of Joey, she needs you.”

“You call me if you need anything, okay, day or night, whenever,” Liz said, then slowly made her way towards the door. She turned one last time to look at her friend. “You will be okay Cass, we’ll make sure of that. Call me later after you wake up. Please.” She didn’t close the door all the way because she knew Duffy would eventually make his way up here. But Liz never left. She couldn’t. If there were ever a time she needed to be here for her friend it was now. She’d sent Bill home to take care of their daughter, then set up camp in Cass’s guest room. She would sleep here, she needed to be here, just in case.


At the hospital, they had given Cass a large brown envelope that held Beau’s personal belongings. She had dumped out the contents onto the table the day before the funeral. There wasn’t really much there, just his wallet, cell phone, his watch, some loose change from his pocket, and his wedding band. She’d taken his wedding ring to the funeral home because she wanted him to be wearing it. She wanted him to still feel a small piece of her on the journey he was about to take.

She reached over and picked up his wallet. The leather had worn old around the edges. She raised it to her nose and inhaled deeply. She could still smell him. She lay back on the couch, the wallet still clutched in her hand, then pulled the blanket over top of her. She closed her eyes and slowly drifted into a deep dark sleep.

Sometime later, in the hours where only the moon lit the sky, the cramps gripped her tired aching body. She tried to sit up, but found she could barely move. Her hands instinctively went to her stomach. She reached down to the warmth she felt below her and felt something wet and sticky. She began to moan, “no, no, no…” She didn’t think there could be a pain worse than losing your husband, but this new horror was topping that. She felt the panic rise in her throat. She tried to reach for the phone but ended up knocking it off the table just out of her reach.

“Nooooo…” she screamed. Her voice filled the house. Duffy, having been woke from his sound sleep, began to bark like a mad dog.

Liz sprang from the bed and rushed up the stairs to where Cass was. She could hear Cass sobbing when she entered the room. When she switched on the light she froze. Cass was sitting in a pool of blood.

“Oh my God. Cass, what happened?” she said as she rushed to her side.

“The baby…” Cass whimpered. “The baby!”

Liz understood now what was happening. She tried to push the hair away that had fallen over Cass’s face, but Cass slapped her hand away.

“Oh God, please, please. Liz help me, do something. I can’t…” was all Cass could manage as the pain ripped through her again.

Liz knew she’d never be able to get Cass into the car on her own so she rushed downstairs to get the number for the town doctor. He worked from his home so he could be here in less than ten minutes. Her relief was obvious as she heard his voice telling her what she could do until he got there.

She grabbed several towels from the linen closet and ran back up the stairs. She pulled the blanket away and gently pushed Cass back down on to her back. She lifted the nightgown, then spread Cass’s legs so she could place a towel there to staunch the flow of blood.

“The doctor’s on his way girl. Try not to move okay?”

For the first time in forever, Liz was at a loss for words. There really was nothing she could say to her friend that would make sense or make this nightmare end. So she did what she did for her daughter when she was distraught. She sat next to Cass, holding her hand as they waited for the doctor.

“It was all I had left,” Cass whispered as she stared at Liz. “He didn’t even know. I didn’t even have a chance to tell him.”

Liz leaned down and wrapped her arms around Cass and rocked her back and forth.

“I’m so sorry…..I’m so sorry.” There wasn’t much else to say.