CHAPTER 16

Dinner had turned out beautiful. Everyone complained about eating too much as they always did. They moved into the living room to have coffee and drinks, while Duffy tried to entertain everyone with his silly antics. Liz and Bill, her pal Carol, and a few of Cass's other model friends chatted easily over one more glass of wine.

"I have to go girl," Carol said as she stood and stretched. "I could sit here all night but I've got an early call and if I have any more to drink, they're going to have to use putty on my face. It was really great to meet the two of you. I've heard so much about you guys, I feel like I've known you for years."

"It was nice to meet you too," Liz said. "I'm glad Cass has someone like you to keep her company and to indulge her humor once in a while."

Carol looked at the other guests and suggested they all share a cab. She knew from the look on Cass's face that she was tired so she wanted to help her make everyone leave so she could spend a little more time with her old friends since she didn't get to see them all that often.

"Come on, up and atum kids. Chop, chop!"

Cass hugged each of them at the front door as they left.

"Thanks for the invite kiddo," Carol said. "I'll see you soon."

"I'm sure you will. Thanks for coming." Cass said as she closed the door behind them.

Without the others there, the room had become very quiet.

"How about a civil glass of Brandy?"

"Sounds good to me," Bill said.

Cass retrieved three small glasses from the kitchen and poured them each a little shot. They sat quietly for a while as they watched the fire roar in the fireplace.

"When are you going to come out and visit us?" Bill asked. "Liz has been going nuts again redecorating all the same rooms she did last year."

"Hey, you knew what you were in for when you married the girl." Cass said. "Too much country air, and not enough work. You should send her in to the city more often. I'm sure I could find plenty of work for her."

"Oh no you don't! The two of you could never talk me back into that business. I should have stuck to photography," Liz retorted. "I'm quite content doing our place because the only person I have to argue with is me."

"Oh please! You were always more a set stylist than photographer." Cass said. "I've never known anyone who took more time making sure everything was absolute perfection before one snap of the lens."

"You see. You see what I have to put up with?" Bill pleaded. "You have to come visit so you can help me stop her before she puts us all in the poor house."

Even though it had been two years since Cass moved back to the city, they were very careful about how they broached the subject of a visit back to their place.

"I'm so busy right now I don't have time to do much of anything else," Cass said.

Liz decided it was time to test the waters.

"Alicia and I drove over to your house last week," Liz said hesitating to say more.

Cass looked at her. She wanted to tell her to stay away from there because it was not a happy place anymore, but instead she stood there and smiled at her friend trying to be brave.

"It could use a little of your tender loving care. Maybe you could..."

Cass raised her hand to stop her from saying anything more.

"Please Liz. I know you mean well. I hate this day. I will always hate this day and tonight especially I do not want to talk about the house." Cass said, turning away so they wouldn't see the tears that had started to fall from her eyes.

"I'm sorry Cass. I don't know what I was thinking." Liz said. "It just...I miss you. I miss you a lot. I wish you were closer, that's all."

Bill rubbed the back of Liz's neck. The elephant was in the room now. Everyone looked uncomfortable so Bill looked at his watch.

"Well, speaking of home girl, I guess we'd better make a move or it'll be morning before we get there," Bill said.

Cass hugged them both before they left. There was no promise of a visit.

She closed the door, locked it then stood there looking around the room. Seconds turned into minuted, minutes to hours. She felt paralyzed and had to finally force herself to move. She turned off the lights in the kitchen and living room and headed to her bedroom. She stopped for one brief moment and stared into the fire and watched as the last embers burned away. Her heart felt heavy. The tears that she'd managed to keep at bay were now falling freely. If she could scream the pain she felt at that moment, she might have woken the whole world. She tried to remember the details of Beau's face, the lines that etched at the side of each eye, the small scar that ran down his chin, the soft bristle of his unshaven cheeks. The vision of him was becoming fuzzy in her mind. Maybe it was too much wine, or maybe the time that had passed since he died was blurring her memory. It felt wrong. She rushed to the bedroom in a panic. She ripped open the top drawer of her dresser and dug beneath the clothes until she found what she was looking for. She took the small wooden box out of the drawer and moved to the bed before she opened it. She took out the photo of Beau. She rubber her fingers over his face wanting desperately to feel him there with her.

He had always looked the rugged outdoorsman, never too fancy except for the day of their wedding. He had wanted her to see that he could not only be a gentleman, but that he could suit up and look like one too. She set the picture down next to the box, and one by one took out the mementos of their life together. She took out the stack of love letters they has written each other when they'd started dating and set them aside. There on the bottom of the box was the envelope that contained the things the police had given her that night two years ago. She dumped the contents out onto the bed. She picked up the wallet and held it to her nose. There was still the faintest smell of his cologne on it. She set it down and took his wedding ring and slipped it on her finger. The tears were now flowing like a river as she laid down. She wanted that life back. She wanted him back. Her world had been perfect then.

It seemed like only moments had passed, but when she looked over at the beside clock she realized that two hours had slipped by. She sat up and began to put everything back inside the box. The stack of letters weighed heavy in her hand. She took the top one and set it aside then gently set the others back where they'd come from. She took Beau's picture and the letter and set them on the nightstand. She climbed into bed and pulled the covers up. Duffy jumped up onto the bed with her and began to lick the tears that were still spilling down her cheeks. She pushed him away gently. Instead she picked up the letter and slowly unfolded it.

My Dearest Cassandra,

I know it's only been two days since I last saw you, but I miss you terribly. It seems that you are my sunshine since it hasn't stopped raining since you left. Just my luck because I just started to pain the front porch. Oh well, it gives me more time to think of you.

My life and my heart have been so full since you came into it. Everything seems so easy now. Everything has new meaning, thanks to you. My little house here was so empty for so long that I though nothing good would come to it.

What I'm trying to say is that I love you and I want you to share my life with yours. If you feel the same way, then I have the solution, but I will wait till I see you next time so we can discuss it face to face.

Till then my love, stay out of the cold!
I love you,
Beau

She carefully folded the letter and set it on top of the picture. She could hear her heart beat pound in her ears. She needed to go to sleep. She rolled over and pulled Duffy to her chest and he lovingly obliged her desire to hug something.